Week 3: Ms. Retail Therapy…in Recovery

Age: 37
Hometown: Syracuse, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Impulsive
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Dismissive and cheap
My 21-day goal: To be more willing to sacrifice my spending, on a regular. To do more of my grooming (hair, nails, etc.) at home. And to stop shopping because it makes me feel good (Retail therapy is real!)
My weakness: Shoes, clothes and buying unnecessary items at Target
My fear for these 21 days: No real fears. Looking forward to the challenge but a little "fearful" of what my hair may look like after week 2.
What I will miss most: Starbucks in the morning and weekly manicures

"Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." -Philippians 4:11 

"Our world promotes dissatisfaction with our lives. We are constantly bombarded with newer and better things that will make our lives more complete if only we would obtain them! If we listen to the world, we will always be comparing the lifestyles and possessions of others with our own, and we will always be dissatisfied." - Blackaby

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Convo with God, Day 18 

Father,

This financial fast has been absolutely phenomenal for me! It has given me the opportunity to prioritize things that are really important. This time of sacrifice has opened my eyes to so many things, like how easy it is to wash my own hair *shout out to Salon 545* or make my own oatmeal *smh*.  Oh, how I neglect me and you when I don't make going to the grocery store a weekly necessity. As the fast draws to a close, not only do I really desire to create better spending habits, I also am grateful for the chance to be more creative in how I cope with life and stress. As I have said before, I shop because it appeases me.  Never mind, I spend and still end up feeling unfulfilled.

God, what I have realized is that shopping can't replace you or dealing directly with you when I know my solace is you! So, here it is …I profess to believe "being in this world and not of it" because that's part of my identity as a follower of YOU. I've been forced to ask myself, "Do I really believe this? " because, clearly, I don't fully live by it.  I often succumb to the worldy pressure of HAVING everything I want but don't necessarily “need.”   So, I will not mislead you and say that I am fully delivered from "excessive spending" but I am at the first step...

"Hi, my name is Malaika and I am a shop-a-holic". Crowd replies, "Hi, Malaika"…. 

Seriously, shopping is a real addiction! *UGH* Ask me how I know? I felt the effects of "withdrawal" while helping Little Ms AC shop for a prom dress at the mall. Physical anxiety overtook me because I couldn't spend. Cranky, nauseous, headache and over all frustration because I actually had to exhibit self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). After venting to my prayer partner, she asked, "Did you even have the money to spend?" LOL! The funny thing was, I didn't!  No matter how hard I work, I will not be able to satisfy *every* material whim and desire that overtakes me.  This is a troubling and difficult realization that I have come to. So much has come out of this fasting time. Self-reflection! Self- awareness! Conviction! I won't even attempt to bring the total "fasting" experience to full conclusion because that would imply closure...

The harsh reality is that this journey is really only JUST beginning. Twenty-one days has turned into something more permanent and significant. I remember laughing at PT & RSV for even suggesting that I do this sacrifice (still wondering how I got caught up in the matrix). Yet, you knew what I needed at the exact time. I appreciate the extra push and continued support. Becoming who I believe "financially" is going to require some additional discipline and active diligence. 

Signed,
Ms. Retail Therapy…in Recovery