Age: 33
Hometown: Bronx, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Carefree
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Sad
My 21-day goal: To gain more clarity on how to become a better steward; utilize my money in ways God has ordained for me, and to be content whether abased or abound.
My weakness: Feeling as though I need to have everything now.
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to purchase, not having enough…being without.
What I will miss most: Beauty-related rituals (getting my hair and nails done :'-(
Day 2 of the fast and I'm going strong...but isn't this usually the way fasts go? :). We usually start off strong and ready for the race. Only thing is, now, instead of dodging restaurants to escape from food, I will be running past store windows...stores where I could shop just one day ago :-(
Don't get me wrong: I am excited about this journey and where it will lead me, as I understand that anything worth having is worth working and sacrificing for.
Matter of fact, just this morning while riding the 6 train, it's as if I was smacked in the face with a financial mirror that showed me my entire life (Lord, couldn't this have been done at home and why so soon? This is only day 2...argh!)
While commuting, I realized that spending and over-consuming helps me to fill a void in my life. They help me to not deal with what really ails me. So I shop to hide the pain and cope with the pain. I live in that moment -- in that shoe-buying, cosmetic-frenzy, home-decorating, item-consuming moment!
So where does this all stem from? All the way back to childhood, at age 16, where I lost both my mom and grandmother. They died only two months apart and to this day I had never found a way to heal from that pain. So, I shop to ease it and let responsibility hang in the wind.
It has taken me 17 years to realize what I am doing, wrong. Now I have to wonder how many years it will take to break this nasty habit.
Will 21 days do it? I have hope that God will do a new thing for me during this fast.
Fun Now/Pay Later
Hometown: Bronx, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Carefree
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Sad
My 21-day goal: To gain more clarity on how to become a better steward; utilize my money in ways God has ordained for me, and to be content whether abased or abound.
My weakness: Feeling as though I need to have everything now.
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to purchase, not having enough…being without.
What I will miss most: Beauty-related rituals (getting my hair and nails done :'-(
Day 2 of the fast and I'm going strong...but isn't this usually the way fasts go? :). We usually start off strong and ready for the race. Only thing is, now, instead of dodging restaurants to escape from food, I will be running past store windows...stores where I could shop just one day ago :-(
Don't get me wrong: I am excited about this journey and where it will lead me, as I understand that anything worth having is worth working and sacrificing for.
Matter of fact, just this morning while riding the 6 train, it's as if I was smacked in the face with a financial mirror that showed me my entire life (Lord, couldn't this have been done at home and why so soon? This is only day 2...argh!)
While commuting, I realized that spending and over-consuming helps me to fill a void in my life. They help me to not deal with what really ails me. So I shop to hide the pain and cope with the pain. I live in that moment -- in that shoe-buying, cosmetic-frenzy, home-decorating, item-consuming moment!
So where does this all stem from? All the way back to childhood, at age 16, where I lost both my mom and grandmother. They died only two months apart and to this day I had never found a way to heal from that pain. So, I shop to ease it and let responsibility hang in the wind.
It has taken me 17 years to realize what I am doing, wrong. Now I have to wonder how many years it will take to break this nasty habit.
Will 21 days do it? I have hope that God will do a new thing for me during this fast.
Fun Now/Pay Later
4 comments:
Keep up the good work. At least you had your family till the age of 16. I was in foster care from 6-21 and although never lost contact with family, I never really had a strong relationship with them.
I suggest accepting that we are all born to die and that while we are here on earth, make it COUNT!!!.
Also, get yourself involved in mentoring or volunteering more. I find that helping other and loving more helps me feel better about the love I lost over the years.
Stay Strong, and remember to "Smile your Not Dead Yet."
JD
Fun Now/Pay Later,
You have been able to tap into the very heart of this fast and something that it usually takes people years to figure out. Often when we get a cold we want to take medicine to get rid of the cold but never attack the symptoms or why we continue to get sick. You have tapped into the why. Now you can pray about God healing you from that loss. Ask your accountability partner to keep you uplifted in that way. I would also meditate on scriptures that reference healing. Start claiming what is already yours. That is healing!
Hi Jamar, Funnowpaylater here. At sixteen it's hard to comprehend we are all born to die, it felt more like my heart being ripped out and nothing was left in its place to fill the void. There was no "talking me through it", my family lived life burying issues under the carpet - and after both deaths we moved on with life, whatever life we could create. Which is why I am now having to deal with this issue and I will deal with it, with the Lord's help :) I am happy for every revelation God is giving me. I have served in ministry and have volunterred all of my life and I am happy to serve but sometimes you need to stop and deal with the issues that are facing you, sometimes we bury ourselves in "doing" to avoid "dealing". "Smile your Not Dead Yet" hmmm not sure why you would write that, kind of rough huh? I value life more now than I ever have, I realize that God has been better than good to me. This experience is allowing me to be real and expose what ails me I am hoping that my post help my brothers and sisters who may be facing the same issues. I appreciate your comment.
Hi Desiree! your words mean so much to me. I will continue to pray and meditate on his word. I am claiming all that he has for me and will believe him for what is ahead. Which I claim is healing and wholeness! Thank you!
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