Some Harlem Churches in Fight for Survival

"Some [churches], like All Souls’, cannot afford a full-time minister, let alone operate a soup kitchen or clothes pantry."


Fam,

Giving, like reading, is fundamental.  Churches don't run on fumes and their bills are not government paid.  Without a full-time minister or a food pantry or ministry, how much outreach, aka walking with Jesus, can be done?  Just saying...

Read on (from The New York Times):

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/24/nyregion/24harlem.html?pagewanted=all

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Happy Tuesday, Young Adult Fam!

Question of the Day: What do you believe about yourself...because that's what you are becoming (check to the left...)

Last night drew the conclusion of our 21-day financial fast from all non-essential spending.  Whew *wipes brow a few times*  Overall, people's stories and testimonies of what they learned on this journey were profound and a blessing to hear.  For anyone interested in embarking on this journey in the future, check out this link:

While the fast has wrapped, don't think we're done here...because we are not. YAM's entry into connecting with everyone via this platform has only just begun.  At FCBC, we have been charged to "Become What [We] Believe" in 2010.  So whether that change will be seen in your finances, relationships (starting in June), or your profesional and educational goals, YAM is praying to help you along the way.

As for this site, we will continue to encourage YA's within our fam to share via this platform. We will also post news pertinent to our lives and this walk and encourage you to comment on it.  Let's make this a discussion site that digs into our lives and the things that impact us the most.

Until next time, check the next post.

Agape,
YAM

Week 3: Ms. Retail Therapy…in Recovery

Age: 37
Hometown: Syracuse, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Impulsive
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Dismissive and cheap
My 21-day goal: To be more willing to sacrifice my spending, on a regular. To do more of my grooming (hair, nails, etc.) at home. And to stop shopping because it makes me feel good (Retail therapy is real!)
My weakness: Shoes, clothes and buying unnecessary items at Target
My fear for these 21 days: No real fears. Looking forward to the challenge but a little "fearful" of what my hair may look like after week 2.
What I will miss most: Starbucks in the morning and weekly manicures

"Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." -Philippians 4:11 

"Our world promotes dissatisfaction with our lives. We are constantly bombarded with newer and better things that will make our lives more complete if only we would obtain them! If we listen to the world, we will always be comparing the lifestyles and possessions of others with our own, and we will always be dissatisfied." - Blackaby

* * *  
Convo with God, Day 18 

Father,

This financial fast has been absolutely phenomenal for me! It has given me the opportunity to prioritize things that are really important. This time of sacrifice has opened my eyes to so many things, like how easy it is to wash my own hair *shout out to Salon 545* or make my own oatmeal *smh*.  Oh, how I neglect me and you when I don't make going to the grocery store a weekly necessity. As the fast draws to a close, not only do I really desire to create better spending habits, I also am grateful for the chance to be more creative in how I cope with life and stress. As I have said before, I shop because it appeases me.  Never mind, I spend and still end up feeling unfulfilled.

God, what I have realized is that shopping can't replace you or dealing directly with you when I know my solace is you! So, here it is …I profess to believe "being in this world and not of it" because that's part of my identity as a follower of YOU. I've been forced to ask myself, "Do I really believe this? " because, clearly, I don't fully live by it.  I often succumb to the worldy pressure of HAVING everything I want but don't necessarily “need.”   So, I will not mislead you and say that I am fully delivered from "excessive spending" but I am at the first step...

"Hi, my name is Malaika and I am a shop-a-holic". Crowd replies, "Hi, Malaika"…. 

Seriously, shopping is a real addiction! *UGH* Ask me how I know? I felt the effects of "withdrawal" while helping Little Ms AC shop for a prom dress at the mall. Physical anxiety overtook me because I couldn't spend. Cranky, nauseous, headache and over all frustration because I actually had to exhibit self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). After venting to my prayer partner, she asked, "Did you even have the money to spend?" LOL! The funny thing was, I didn't!  No matter how hard I work, I will not be able to satisfy *every* material whim and desire that overtakes me.  This is a troubling and difficult realization that I have come to. So much has come out of this fasting time. Self-reflection! Self- awareness! Conviction! I won't even attempt to bring the total "fasting" experience to full conclusion because that would imply closure...

The harsh reality is that this journey is really only JUST beginning. Twenty-one days has turned into something more permanent and significant. I remember laughing at PT & RSV for even suggesting that I do this sacrifice (still wondering how I got caught up in the matrix). Yet, you knew what I needed at the exact time. I appreciate the extra push and continued support. Becoming who I believe "financially" is going to require some additional discipline and active diligence. 

Signed,
Ms. Retail Therapy…in Recovery

Week 3: His & Hers Billionaires

Ages: Late 20s
Hometowns: Baltimore, MD and Chicago, IL
Phrase that describes our relationship with money: Undercover-Billionaire-ish
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Make the most with what you have and create an inheritance for your children’s children.
Our 21-day goal: Sacrificial team-building experience with my future spouse regarding money. Gain a better understanding of money's purpose in our lives.
Our weaknesses: Buying random stuff when it's on sale, electronics. Justifying purchases based on where we live (NYC-area): eating out, taking cabs.
Our fear for these 21 days: Carrying cash everywhere (no cards); forgetting we're actually on the fast.
What we will miss most: Hmm….

His...This financial fast has seen more external challenges to my finances than I expected. I have see a multi-thousand dollar unexpected bill arrive, had my car towed and seen a laptop break. After lots of very hard thought and prayers… I have seen God is faithful throughout. I approached the financial fast with the wrong attitude, thinking it was a win as I would be better off having saved on the things given up. Instead, God made my fast more about me giving up the comfort I derived from having a large bank account.

Going through this with my fiancée's support and accountability has been both challenging and fulfilling. What I appreciate the most is that where I may focus on what I can do or she can do, her faith points me back to what God can do as the real power in our lives. My accountability partner has the advantage of knowing every single dollar I have spent in this time which lets her speak with a knowledge and authority no one has ever had. It has been a time of breakthrough in our vision. Kristen and I “discovered” that our housing expenses (we each rent) are quite large, consuming over 40% of our combined monthly income. We are pursuing a strategy of (as our leases end 4 months before we get married) each renting rooms near where we currently live so that we can put more aside for some of the expenses that come as newlyweds. We have sought after wisdom for our career directions, so that we can become what we believe

Having the other hold us to account for our spending (especially where we are doing so out of serving God, rather than not having the money) has been amazing and has opened the door toward that being a place of intimacy rather than strife between us moving forward.

Hers...Eating out and taxi cabs and living in New York City…although I was not fearful to give them up, I certainly didn’t see a clear path to living without them. Thankfully, I was not relying on my own natural vision during this fast. Since starting the fast there were three important things I wanted to accomplish: to keep a better account of my budget and where my money is going, to gain a better understanding of savings and to see Richard and I develop positive habits together where finances are concerned in preparation for our life together.

I have had to touch my bank account for very little since starting this fast. Cooking meals has become very therapeutic. It’s actually becoming a creative outlet right now. Additionally, I am increasing my time spent in Connecticut which mostly likely will be my next home after New York City. The fast has helped me to transition my thoughts of how life would be lived in Suburbia. NYC has all of life’s conveniences waiting for you when you step outside your door. In a place where driving is necessary, is a slower pace and it’s more family oriented, some lifestyle changes would need to be made.

As Richard and I examine our values and how we want to save and spend, this fast is very timely. It’s an answer to prayer by helping us structure our combined finances in just a short eight months. I don’t think that we will be so quick to go back to the way we were spending before. At the very least we will be conscientious about making a purchase and analyzing its value or need in our lives. For me, I would like to eat out occasionally and not as a lifestyle. In addition, I would like to cab for emergencies and as a last resort, not a first choice.

We are looking forward to the last Financial Seminar about Savings. Now that we know where we can cut back spending, we need to be mindful of where to put it.

Signing off….RADIKL

Week 3: Fun Now/Pay Later: Fell off the wagon and the horse got away!

Age: 33
Hometown: Bronx, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Carefree
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Sad
My 21-day goal: To gain more clarity on how to become a better steward; utilize my money in ways God has ordained for me, and to be content whether abased or abound.
My weakness: Feeling as though I need to have everything now.
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to purchase, not having enough…being without.
What I will miss most: Beauty-related rituals (getting my hair and nails done :'-(

* * *

Man, did I fall off last week! What happened you ask? I just got lazy and started making excuses for why I could spend money. "Self, you deserve this," I said. "Go get some fast food and a manicure..." and the list goes on. I wish I could say I stayed strong and that I wanted accountability, but alas I just wanted what I wanted sound familiar? (I'm shaking my head up and down).

I know I can do better.  Did I need anything I purchased "out of turn?" Nope! I could have lived without all of it.  No, I didn't spend as much as I would have normally spent because the conflicted spirit within was shouting "what are you doing?!"  Yet, I did what I could to turn down the inner shouting and pressed on. Besides, I was trying to curb a desire that would eventually throw a tantrum to get its way again.

I realize that the way we deal with kids when they throw tantrums (ignore their bad behavior) is the same thing we must do when we feel our desires that operate as false needs.

So, I'm living, learning and pressing forward with the knowledge that I can do better. And one second, moment, or day I will do better. This journey has made me see and understand myself better.  I also better understand the power that lives within me is stronger than the forces outside.

So I'm hitching up my boots and jumping back on the wagon again. Another day has been given to me and there is possibility ahead.

Fun Now/Pay Later

Week 3: Frugally Confused - On Transparency & Accountability...

Age: 25
Hometown: Harlem, NY, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Concerned
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Careless
My 21-day goal: To spend and save more responsibly
My weakness: Buying things I don't need
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to follow through
What I will miss most: Dining out/fast food)

Okay, so here we are entering our final week of the financial fast and I must say this has been a revealing task for me. Why? Because I have realized my relationship with money and food are jacked up!

I have spent money over the years on frivolous things that I didn't to make me happy. I have gone shopping when I didn't need to go.  I have gone out to the movies when I knew that I should have stayed at home.  Yet, I would spend that money anyway.  I have even gone to the ATM and withdrawn money not caring that my account would overdraft, because - as I saw it - I always knew the money would get replaced...eventually.

As far as food goes...it's basically like a "comfort" for me.  Don't get me wrong:  I love to cook for family, friends, and church events. Yet, during this fast, I have realized that sometimes I eat out of boredom, or because I'm out with friends.  I have also realized that there are times that I go out to dinner and eat...even though I am not hungry.  As I said last wee, I also buy fast food when I'm just too lazy to cook at home...although I have the same ingredients at home in my kitchen. 
I'm sharing all of this because I want to be transparent. The love of money is the root of all evil.  Yeah, I know it sounds like a cliche and churchie.  Yet, if it weren't the truth it wouldn't be in scriptures and we wouldn't be participating in this fast.  Our focus needs to be on the one who is, and should be the most important in our lives, God!  Instead of relying on God, we instead sometimes turn our focus to other things and seek those things to fill, hold, steady, increase our complete us...things like money and food.

As Rev LaKeesha said last week at bible study, we tend to sweat the small things a little too much and tend to forget the bigger picture at hand. With God we can do all things...that's ALL things! Yes, your bill is late, but it will get paid if you learn that pair of heels isn't more important than having electtricity at home.  Also, your relationship with money will improve when you recognize that the night out with your friends for drinks isn't a necessity when you know that you haven't tithed in two weeks...OR...when you acknowledge that you can cook at home instead of going to buy that 2-piece from Popeye's. Put that money toward paying off your debt.

Let's focus on God a little more, because when we are in line with what GOD needs from us, we can be obedient to what He requires of us...such as being good stewards over money and tithers. 

This final week, my focus is on God and what He needs me to do.

Frugally confused signing off!

Ms Retail Therapy: On Status & Spending...

Age: 37
Hometown: Syracuse, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Impulsive
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Dismissive and cheap
My 21-day goal: To be more willing to sacrifice my spending, on a regular. To do more of my grooming (hair, nails, etc.) at home. And to stop shopping because it makes me feel good (Retail therapy is real!)
My weakness: Shoes, clothes and buying unnecessary items at Target
My fear for these 21 days: No real fears. Looking forward to the challenge but a little "fearful" of what my hair may look like after week 2.
What I will miss most: Starbucks in the morning and weekly manicures

* * *

"I have this attitude that says 'I work hard therefore I can shop harder.' But, it's this mindset that has presented so many financial problems for me."

Week 2:

So, the euphoria has worn off!

This past week...in a word..."challenging!" This time of sacrifice is truly helping me to define my "needs" vs "wants". I generally have the two concepts confused.

Most of the time my "wants" supersede my needs. I am learning to be more disciplined in my spending and to prioritize what is necessary, i.e. to prepare dinner at home over buying an outfit for work (sad, but true!).

Yesterday, I had the extreme pleasure of going to one of the greatest places on earth ...Target, the consumer's/shopper's paradise. I had to buy the "essentials," of course (*side eyes my accountability partners*), with $40 to spend. In the end, I actually had to put stuff back rather than pull out...gasp...my Target charge card. The process of seeing the total and having to leave stuff behind was somewhat humiliating for me.

I have this attitude that says "I work hard therefore I can shop harder". But, it's this mindset that has presented so many financial problems for me.

Ahh, and let's discuss trying to be social and not spending money.

I went out with friends Saturday and brought a pre-made salad. *smile* I also requested a glass of water from the bar. And, yet again, that feeling of humiliation returned and overcame me. Or, perhaps it was the grimace that the bartender flashed my way. It affected me so much so, I contemplated giving the guy my credit card to create an imaginary tab. Pathetic, really!? It reminded me that I link my ability - my freedom - to spend to my "status." I often consume because I am concerned with how people view me. Which brings me to my overall introspective retrospection....

I purchase out of a desire to fit in and feel good...How do I undo years of this?!

I also keep wondering, how will I continue to work at this all post-fast.

So many questions and so many thoughts but this week has challenged me to get to the heart of my unhealthy relationship with money....

Thank you for continuing this journey with me... until next week!!

His & Hers Billionaires: On Money, Marriage and God

Ages: Late 20s
Hometowns: Baltimore, MD and Chicago, IL
Phrase that describes our relationship with money: Undercover-Billionaire-ish
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Make the most with what you have and create an inheritance for your children’s children.
Our 21-day goal: Sacrificial team-building experience with my future spouse regarding money. Gain a better understanding of money's purpose in our lives.
Our weaknesses: Buying random stuff when it's on sale, electronics. Justifying purchases based on where we live (NYC-area): eating out, taking cabs.
Our fear for these 21 days: Carrying cash everywhere (no cards); forgetting we're actually on the fast.
What we will miss most: Hmm….

“His”… I live in Stamford CT, about 30 miles from Harlem. Luckily, my firm pays for my breakfast and lunch every day. As such, I typically have very light dinners at home. My spending weaknesses are electronics and online shopping. This fast means I will have to avoid coupon websites to avoid temptation. Each month, I typically spend about $50-100 on books. So this fast will allow Kristen (my fiancée) and I to read through all the books we already have. Next, it means carrying cash on me. Driving is my exclusive method of transportation. So I am now much more intentional about budgeting matters related to the car, e.g. gasoline, oil changes, etc.

As one part of RADIKL (Richard Albert + Divine intervention + Kristen Lauren), a lot of my discretionary spending goes towards eating out, gifts and entertainment. This fast means our time together will be much more about preparing for our days and interacting with each other.

Sunday, we went grocery shopping, buying groceries so we can cook at home rather than eat out. We planned our first “free” date together for this past Saturday, which included a walk and picnic. A few days into the fast, Kristen had already held me accountable because I mentioned buying a picnic blanket for our date. She informed me that such was not a necessary purchase and that we should use one of the many extra sheets at our homes.

I was raised by a middle class, single mother who was very transparent about finances and made it a point to do without so I could have. My life changed at the beginning of college when was forced to retire on disability from her job. The rest of my family, while wealthier, had spent so much that they didn’t have anything left over for me. This is when I learned that God is my provider, as I received supernatural favor both in eliminating past debts and paying for costs in years to come. Since graduation, I have sought to treat money as a resource not just for now, but for emergencies, giving and retirement. I work in financial services, which means that denying myself has always been a choice rather than a necessity.

As I prepare for marriage with Kristen, sharing this experience in holding each other accountable is a valuable experience that will better align us financially as we move forward together.

* * *

“Hers”…This fast has already begun to reveal some critical eye-opening points for Richard and me. Harlem has served as my home for the last five years and I have picked up much of the culture. Eating out and taking cabs are my spending weaknesses and both have become financially reckless conveniences. My budget suffers the most because of these two luxuries. So, I am finding that I have to plan my time much better. By planning my time, I have to be intentional about cooking and getting out of the house earlier so that public transportation doesn’t hinder me from being on time. In addition, based on my bills and personal expenses, I find that I need a higher paying job! I spend more than I make mostly due to me being a big giver and those two pesky conveniences I spoke of before.

The fast is also revealing the insecurities and worries Richard has about money. I would like to spend to live as though I have a Billionaire-budget and Richard would like to live as though we actually have billions. But we don’t need to spend it. Hopefully, we can find a compromise.

There are a few major focuses that I believe R.P. III and I should be diligent about doing during this fast: spending more time seeking God where our finances are concerned, trusting God to provide all our needs, and discovering ways we can save money.

My family resides in Miami, Florida and by the world’s standards are considered to be upper middle class to wealthy. However, their finances were not always like that. To the extent that finances were an issue, I did not know that growing up. My parents have spent much of their life sacrificing and making decisions so that my siblings and I could have the best opportunities. As such, I am not used to doing without. When I left my “good paying job” a little over a year ago to focus on non-profit work, I lost a lot of my saving and spending power. It has been a struggle, especially living in New York City.

Also, I don’t really have any fears on this fast; rather I am hopeful that as on part of RADIKL, we will have learned a lot and be better for it!

Signing off,

His & Hers

Fun Now/Pay Later - "Lion and Tigers and Bears oh my!"

Age: 33
Hometown: Bronx, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Carefree
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Sad
My 21-day goal: To gain more clarity on how to become a better steward; utilize my money in ways God has ordained for me, and to be content whether abased or abound.
My weakness: Feeling as though I need to have everything now.
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to purchase, not having enough…being without.
What I will miss most: Beauty-related rituals (getting my hair and nails done :'-(

* * *

"This past week of financial fasting has given me clarity to help separate the needs from the wants."

Week 2!

The Forrest was clear this past week of any wild life :) no financial storms arose and I didn't spend ONE penny. Can you believe it?! I went in thinking - something is going to come up I just feel it, I'm going to need this and that..... - well you know how the story goes.

I am beginning to believe "I need to want something." Does that sound strange?

I just have to go into a store and purchase an item.  The compulsion is there to just purchase things I don't really need.

When I walk by a store, I just feel like I need to purchase something "There has to be something in there that I need, right?"  I've also recognized through this past week that most of these "things" are "things" I can live without. This past week of financial fasting has given me clarity to help separate the needs from the wants. It has also helped me to see how I've warped into the lazy- microwave generation. We want it fast and we want it with the least possible effort :) *smile, it's true*. We don't want to make our own coffee - we want someone to make it for us. We don't want to cook our own dinner - we want Burger King to give it to us in 3 minutes or less. All of these things save time, but they don't save us money. Then in the same breath I can be heard saying "I sure wish I had money to help with [insert your *wish* here]."

I believe God is showing me ways in which I can better utilize my money, whether it be savings or to help in others areas.

I am learning to be patient with myself and learn what things (emotions, times) trigger me to overspend. I'm making a conscious effort to not go shopping during those times or moments. One way of doing that is not going grocery shopping WHILE I'M HUNGRY, it makes me spend more than I need too. Something as subtle as that is helping me BECOME a better steward over my money.

I pray that all of my brothers and sisters are being richly blessed as we embark on this journey towards financial fitness.

Remember to count every penny because every penny counts!
 
Fun Now/Pay Later

Week 2: Frugally Confused (confused!)

Age: 25
Hometown: Harlem, NY, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Concerned
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Careless
My 21-day goal: To spend and save more responsibly
My weakness: Buying things I don't need
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to follow through
What I will miss most: Dining out/fast food)

Okay, so I am going to keep today's post short and to the point.

Week 1 wasn't a good week for me. As I stated before, fast food is my weakness...and I gave into it many times this past week.

Tuesday - technically on day 1 - I was out and about with my godson and didn't bring any water or snacks out with me. I was miserable and gave in and bought some food from outside the home. This began the rest of the week's downward spiral. Wednesday - Sunday all I did was spend money that really didn't need to be spent.

So, for this week, I am holding myself accountable and will be true to the contract that I signed. I will be praying and asking God for guidance, because the ways that I spend money so frivolously must change.

My goals for this week are to be responsible and to do what I promised: to take responsibility and to get my finances in check.

Frugally Confused, signing off!

Day 5: Thoughts?

I am...good.  

The two great benefits I have witnessed thus far in the fast: a restful lunch break and extra cash in my pocket.

I usually buy lunch every day - or shop for unnecessary items - all in the span of 30 short minutes.  Since I can no longer do either, I now eat at my desk and bask in the sun during my lunch break and it feels real good to not run around during my break.

As far as the savings, I am calculating that at the end of week 1, I would have saved at least $100.  The figure doesn't account for any non-edible purchases, such as shoes, entertainment, clothes, etc. If I included those items, my fast savings would reach the $175ish mark!  

How about you?  What's good with your fast thus far?

Rachel

Ms Retail Therapy: $60 in the Bank!

Age: 37
Hometown: Syracuse, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Impulsive
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Dismissive and cheap
My 21-day goal: To be more willing to sacrifice my spending, on a regular. To do more of my grooming (hair, nails, etc.) at home. And to stop shopping because it makes me feel good (Retail therapy is real!)
My weakness: Shoes, clothes and buying unnecessary items at Target
My fear for these 21 days: No real fears. Looking forward to the challenge but a little "fearful" of what my hair may look like after week 2.
What I will miss most: Starbucks in the morning and weekly manicures

Last week in preparation for this sacrifice, I came up with a myriad of "what if and why me" factors, i.e. "Why me, God and what if I can't do it?" Yet the reality is that I'm grateful for the challenge of this financial fast.

Monday evening – the first night of the fast – ended with a grueling visit to the grocery store. I haven't been since the snowstorm in February. Yet, since then, I think I have purchased 2 pairs of shoes and 3 or 4 outfits. My priorities when it comes to money are a mess. Prayerfully, I will be "delivered" from these poor habits (or at least) begin the process of being delivered from them by May 24th.

*waits with anticipation*

But, I digress…

I actually prepared dinner last night and brought in my lunch for the past two days. Here are a few observations: cooking is therapeutic and what I make at home is much healthier than the $8 Cuban burger that I consume – daily. Oddly enough, I've been carrying the same crumpled $3 in my wallet since Monday and it feels liberating to say that I can't buy anything. It's all pretty fascinating, to say the least.

Today, on day 4, I am happy to report that I am still very excited about the challenge that this fast presents...but please: let's talk again *after* my quiet and simple weekend at home and my overdue manicure and bi-weekly hair appointments!

Oh, and maybe I should mention: Since Monday night, I have saved $60 JUST by bringing my lunch to work and preparing breakfast at home. To God be the glory :-)

Fun Now/Pay Later: Revelations already? :-/

Age: 33
Hometown: Bronx, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Carefree
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Sad
My 21-day goal: To gain more clarity on how to become a better steward; utilize my money in ways God has ordained for me, and to be content whether abased or abound.
My weakness: Feeling as though I need to have everything now.
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to purchase, not having enough…being without.
What I will miss most: Beauty-related rituals (getting my hair and nails done :'-(

Day 2 of the fast and I'm going strong...but isn't this usually the way fasts go? :). We usually start off strong and ready for the race. Only thing is, now, instead of dodging restaurants to escape from food, I will be running past store windows...stores where I could shop just one day ago :-(

Don't get me wrong: I am excited about this journey and where it will lead me, as I understand that anything worth having is worth working and sacrificing for.

Matter of fact, just this morning while riding the 6 train, it's as if I was smacked in the face with a financial mirror that showed me my entire life (Lord, couldn't this have been done at home and why so soon? This is only day 2...argh!)

While commuting, I realized that spending and over-consuming helps me to fill a void in my life. They help me to not deal with what really ails me. So I shop to hide the pain and cope with the pain. I live in that moment -- in that shoe-buying, cosmetic-frenzy, home-decorating, item-consuming moment!

So where does this all stem from? All the way back to childhood, at age 16, where I lost both my mom and grandmother. They died only two months apart and to this day I had never found a way to heal from that pain. So, I shop to ease it and let responsibility hang in the wind.

It has taken me 17 years to realize what I am doing, wrong. Now I have to wonder how many years it will take to break this nasty habit.

Will 21 days do it? I have hope that God will do a new thing for me during this fast.

Fun Now/Pay Later

Frugally Confused: "The Start of a New Me".

Age: 25
Hometown: Harlem, NY, NY
Phrase that describes my relationship with money: Concerned
Phrase that describes my parents’…: Careless
My 21-day goal: To spend and save more responsibly
My weakness: Buying things I don't need
My fear for these 21 days: Not being able to follow through
What I will miss most: Dining out/fast food)

Okay, so I'm starting this financial fast for few reasons. I have been unemployed and am trying to save money; I need to pay bills and debt (which isn't mine, BTW), and to build up my credit rating again.

Being unemployed sucks! If you're currently unemployed, you know how hard it is to come by a permanent job again. With that being said, I think my goals should be to save money, pay off my bills and to look for work. How am I doing? I work a temp jobs when they are available, and my resume is posted on job search engines, etc. I pay my all my necessary bills, e.g. my cell phone and my gym membership (although, the gym isn't *truly* necessary because I don't even go!) My student loan is in deferment. Yet, I have to pay off a car loan that I helped someone else obtain. Now, I am stuck paying off the loan... Yet, I cosigned. So I must (and am!) taking responsibility. I now know better.

In addition to paying off my bills and looking for a new job, I am trying to save money..."trying" being the key word here. I am "trying" to do what is needed in order for me to have a better life. To this end, over the past couple of months, I have become a lot tighter (frugal) with my money, particularly when it comes to buying something for me. For instance, I may go into a store to buy something because I first saw something lovely in the window. Yet, once inside, other things catch my eye. Before I know it, I have grabbed those things too! Yet by the time I finish scanning the store to see what else is available in my size, the line at the register is ridiculous. So such helps deter me from making impulse purchases because I am NOT waiting on a long line. The line delay gives me time to talk myself out of buying what is in my arms.

So, once I have held onto the money, the problem now becomes saving it! For example, on any given day, my monthly bills could be paid up and yet, I will still have the feeling of "well I am getting money next week, so...I can go ahead and spend what I have now and simply replace it next week." With that I'll think of something I might "need" (or want?) to buy and buy them...like little knickknacks and things.

Oh, BTW, food is the enemy #1 for me! I love it and I love to eat. For goodness sake, I even went to culinary school! So to my stomach is another place where my money goes. I could have food in the fridge, and probably have cooked the night before...so there's leftovers too, and yet I will still go to Popeye’s for a two-piece for dinner. That's $6 and some change I have wasted! Case in point: three minutes before this fast began, I raced across the street and bought two red velvet cupcakes from Make My Cake...just because it was within walking distance! I also will buy a sandwich or something for lunch when I have wheat bread, sandwich meat, and cheese in my fridge -- at home!

I need to learn that I don't always have to buy my meals on-the-go and learn to carry snacks and water with me while I am out and about during the day.

Saving my money and my sanity is my goal for this week! Because when you don't work -- and all you can think about is paying off bills and debt -- you can get stressed out!

God bless & Signing off,

Frugally Confused

It's Official: 21 Days to Better Finances

Over the course of the next 21 days, 20 Young Adults at FCBC are hoping and praying to clean up their finances and rid of anything wasteful monetarily...and some of our journies will be shared here.

The purpose of any financial fast is to help a person release unwanted baggage. Following are the key components of such a fast:

Financial Awareness
The first step to fasting for our finances begins with the knowledge of them. Everyone involved in this fast should be aware of what his/her finances look like.  One must collect pay stubs and other information that pertains to his/her annual income. This information should consist of everything that produces money, including any assets.

Expenses
Once income is known – what one is bringing in – the next step is to add up the bills…how much is being spent!

The mere thought of this can be overwhelming for many of us because those two numbers – what we are earning versus what we are spending– are now right in front of our eyes. Yet, with 21 days to go, we are hoping to push pass dread and face the numbers, with the help of our prayer/accountability partner.  

FYI, when adding up what is owed/is being spent, we should include everything e.g. lights, water, rent, cable, phone, Internet, car insurance, storage, credit card payments, student loans, and food. Once this is done, we will be able to confirm whether our expenses (what is being spent) overtake our income (what is being brought in). If so, some more work must be done.  

Assessment
The assessment is the review part of this process. We must look over what we’re making and what we’re spending our money on. If we make more than what we spend, we *may* be in good shape.  Yet, as Desiree has been teaching us via our Financial Freedom series at FCBC, we must take this further and ask ourselves, in addition to paying our bills, are we saving money at all? Also, if we have any debt we paying more than the minimum balance each month?  

If we are indeed spending more than we make, then we must find out where the financial leak is coming from and correct it.

Separation of “Needs” and Wants”
One way to identify our money “leaks” is by separating our needs and wants.  For example, Jane may have 50 pairs of shoes in her closet.  Jack could have 150 DVD's in his room. Both must ask whether they truly need these things.

**During the fast, some may find it empowering to either sell or give away things they discover to not be needs.**

Savings
If we are making money and not saving any, we are essentially losing it.  The extra money freed up due to financial fasting could be put into a savings account, used to pay down bills more rapidly, or donated.

Let’s remember: this may seem difficult but a financial fast is an enlightening process. It opens up a world of opportunities. Believe that once you have completed this journey, you will be forever transformed.

Agape and see you tomorrow!
YAM